Kontextmaschine

23rd June 2023

Post reblogged from Kontextmaschine with 17 notes

kontextmaschine:
Like, I always used to plan too long-term, in Spiderweb games (Exile/Avernum) I’d always clear out the first goblin caves and keep going back to pick up every least valuable loot, like the rocks that weren’t even ranged equippable until after Nethergate, to haul back to town and sell and then buy all the skills the pay-trainer offered up to fill before I moved on
Which crosses very productively with the thing where I can game contemporary trends put to tell where they’ll eventually end up
Which is maybe part of how it works out that I am now more amazingly well-positioned than I could ever imagine.
Like, in 1999 I was like “anime, happy hardcore, JRPGs, and Daft Punk is the important stuff going on” and with the benefit of hindsight was I wrong?
Basically my experience right now is that my very first diagnosis of social cycles and history in like my late ‘90s teens was 100% correct and all my attempts to live in line with my understanding of them finally succeeded perfectly and I won like, life
Like that sounds so comical but instead of just dismissing it that spurs me to prod at its weakest point but it doesn’t yield

I mean some of my evaluating my current life and situation as off-the-charts-great might just be the anxiety I was calibrated to disappearing and maybe… the depression? I honestly have no clue what the bipolar’s up to these days – I’ve noticed that my mood of late weeks is no longer at nadir and really past midpoint, but last one felt like a fizzle, “maybe the real mania was the anticipation we experienced along the way” is bullshit – but the down phases of that were mostly experienced as feeding the anxiety

Tagged: personality change