Alright, fuckit, I’ll get silk sheets. You have to hand-wash them (basically, give it a soapy massage in that big sink in your laundry room) so I had been going with just satin sheets (which can do machine gentle), but that achieves the smooth-surface effect with a loose weave such that even now prophylactically trimming my toenails and filing my rough skin, my feet skittering around while asleep start pulling it apart to pill.