Kontextmaschine

22nd October 2021

Post reblogged from May the Bridges We Burn Light Our Way Home with 5,150 notes

what-even-is-thiss:
archangelofcupcakes:
what-even-is-thiss:
what-even-is-thiss:
If a person you’re about to date says: “oh by the way I’m trans”
And you immediately answer: “oh that’s cool I’m bi”
The trans person will hear: “I see you as your assigned gender at birth.”
Yes it’s fine for you to tell your date that you’re bi. But when you word it exactly like that it kind of has some implications.
Maybe instead wait a couple of sentences, minutes, topics to come out as bi.
Or try something like this:
“Thank you for telling me. I’m also part of the queer/LGBT+ community, I’m bisexual.”
“I’m glad you felt comfortable coming out to me, I’ve faced similar situations whenever I’ve come out as bisexual to people.”
Just avoid insinuations about their gender please. And trying to reassure us that you “of course still view us as [preferred gender identity] ” isn’t reassuring at all (at least to me), instead it makes me wonder why you felt the need to tell me in the first place.
Yes, these are good examples! A lot of trans people have the experience of being treated badly even by people that claim to be allies so being aggressive about it won’t help your case. Being chill and not making it about them being trans is a better call.
Here’s the explanation from the trans side of why “bisexuals specifically must be willing to date trans people” is shitty and transphobic.

I mean, this kind of is what I’m getting at with calling myself bi and not pan now, like my sexuality leaves me open to trans partners but the IFF module my sexuality keys off might not affirm your identity as you understand it

Like when I was straight I was, I guess you could say superstraight, trans women didn’t flip my switch (but ideally you wouldn’t, I was ready to aver with a smiling shrug that I had a cis fetish). I could maybe work myself up to one of those trans men doing the “fuck my pussy like a girl” thing, but I was around for Casual Encounters, “pretend I’m a girl and give me your str8 load” comes off as very authentically gay male

But both of them became uncomplicatedly valid options when my sexuality changed, suggesting that that “IFF module” is reading them as some combination of male and female

So yes, “I’m not validating your trans gender identity as fully interchangeable with the cis equivalent but you’re well within the scope of my sexuality” is in fact what I mean by “bi”