That is a weird way of putting it but okay

MAMMMMMAAAAA JUST KILLED a man

And then I got his neck tattoo

Kissed a girl on the mouth

“Just kidding,” she said, “You don’t go around kissing girls on the mouth.”

Met a creepy old man

“He’s very handsome.”

Dated an alien

“Haven’t we all had that one friend who just struck us as a creepy old man?”

yes definetly mine assaulted me so I took his soul ;)

Yeah I went on a date with the creepy old man

He told me he was from the future and he was disappointed that he was never part of his futuristic cult of eternal youth

(also we were both wearing masks)

but the Future™